


Stripped

by solangelosunangel



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Strippers, excessive song lyrics, hell yes, i spent too long finding good songs to strip to for this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-16
Packaged: 2018-07-24 11:18:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7506223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solangelosunangel/pseuds/solangelosunangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ransom and Holster decide to throw a party for Lardo's birthday.  Jack doesn't want to go to it, but he finds a reason to stay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stripped

**Author's Note:**

> I have never even seen a stripper, let alone gotten a lap dance or had gay sex, so go easy on me. But I watched youtube videos before writing this, so I hope that this is okay. I also don’t know the logistics of getting strippers for a party?? Bear with me here; I’m just a baby.

                “Holster, man.  There’s no way we’re _not_ throwing a kegster for Lardo’s birthday.”

                Holster sighed.  “All I’m saying is that we could have a small surprise party for her.  We have kegsters all the time.  This needs to be special.  We could invite some of her art friends.”

                “Fine,” Ransom conceded.  “But if she hates it, I’m blaming you.”

                “She’s not gonna hate it.”

* * *

 

                Planning the surprise party was turning out to be harder than Ransom and Holster had expected.  Well, at least until they had the most ‘swawesome idea ever.

                They seemed to come up with it at exactly the same time.  Ransom’s head whipped around until he and Holster were staring each other in the eyes.

                They said it in unison.  “Strippers.”

* * *

 

                “Shits!” Holster yelled.  Shitty, ass naked, came running down the stairs like he had been waiting for them to call for him.

                “What, brahs?”

                “Is it sexist if we hire strippers for Lardo’s surprise birthday party?”

                Shitty acted as if he had heard the question a million times; it didn’t faze him.  “If you pay them well and follow their rules, no.”

                “Are you sure?  We’re not, like, perpetuating gender stereotypes or objectifying women, are we?”

                “It’s their job.  Like I said, pay them and follow their rules.  They’re just trying to earn some money.  Hell, get some male strippers, too, if you’re so worried.”

                Holster and Ransom glanced at each other.  This was going to be the ‘swawesomest birthday in the history of Samwell.

* * *

 

                Holster lugged cases of beer in the Haus while Ransom made a Murder Run for snacks.  They pulled out a table for beer pong, but craftily set it off to the side until the ‘main show’ was over.

                They invited lots of people they knew: Lardo’s art friend, girls from the volleyball team, people who they knew would bring good alcohol.

                Holster and Ransom struggled to install the poles in the middle of the lower floor.  The poles fell multiple times, but eventually the two men were able to secure them.  Of course, they took a short break from setting up the party to make sure that the poles were sturdy enough.  They didn’t want anyone to get hurt…

* * *

 

                Getting Lardo away from the Haus was only half the problem.  The other half was getting Shitty to bring her _back_ to the Haus.  Finally, after many threatening texts, Shitty agreed to bring Lardo to her surprise party.

                ‘Forcing’ Samwell Men’s Hockey Team Captain Jack Zimmermann to actually show up to the party was the hardest part of all, though.

                “I’ll just say ‘happy birthday’, give her my gifts, and leave, okay?” Jack said.

                “Dude!  We got strippers!  You’re _not_ leaving!” Holster said.

                “It’s Lardo’s big day!” Ransom exclaimed.

                Jack grumbled something about watching a history documentary and went to his room.

* * *

 

                This was it: the moment before Lardo would walk through the front door of the Haus and everyone would yell “SURPRISE” to their favorite team manager.

                And somehow Jack had been roped into sitting in a chair (that was dragged in from the kitchen) next the stained green couch, right in front of the hastily set up stripper stage area.  This was going to be an adventure for Jack.

                Lardo came in; Shitty was right on her heels.  Everyone yelled, Lardo cried, and Shitty started bawling loudly.

                And then Ransom and Holster introduced the strippers.  Or, rather, they turned on the music mashup that introduced the strippers.

_“I'm hot, sticky sweet_

_From my head to my feet, yeah”_

                Jack’s breath caught in his throat as the people, fully clothed (but not for long), walked out.

_“Pour some sugar on me_

_Ooh, in the name of love_

_Pour some sugar on me_

_C'mon, fire me up_

_Pour your sugar on me_

_Oh, I can't get enough”_

                Jack was in trouble.  Shitty was happy.  Holster was excited.  Ransom was ecstatic.  Chowder was mortified.  Dex and Nursey were nowhere to be found, having quickly ducked out to put on their own private stripper show.

                And the Birthday Girl was more than a little turned on.

* * *

 

                At once, Jack spotted his partner from Foods class, the boy he definitely did _not_ have a crush on.

_“She's my cherry pie_

_Cool drink of water, such a sweet surprise_

_Tastes so good makes a grown man cry_

_Sweet Cherry Pie”_

Eric Richard Bittle thought he was going to be sick.  How was he supposed to strip in front of a boy he’s been crushing on since the start of the semester?  This was precisely the reason why Eric never took jobs on campus, but Camilla had bullied him into it.  She had actually _wanted_ to dance for Larissa Duan.

                Eric pushed those thoughts from his mind and focused on the task at hand.  He slowly pulled his shirt over his head, dropping to his knees in front of one of the poles as the song changed.

_“If you're horny, let's do it_

_Ride it, my pony_

_My saddle's waiting_

_Come and jump on it”_

Jack could barely hear the music.  He was staring, his mouth gaping open, at the short blonde boy, who was gyrating his hips against the metal pole.  Jack shifted, hoping that nobody would notice him.  People did, of course, notice how attentive he was despite his previous declarations that he wouldn’t stay at the party, but they decided to chirp Jack for it later, when there wasn’t such good entertainment.

                As the next song started, the dancers, save Eric, left the DIY stage and moved into the watching crowd.  Camilla Collins found herself dancing on Lardo, but Jack didn’t notice where or who the other dancers went to; Jack Zimmermann had eyes for only Eric Bittle.

                Eric saw that Jack was staring at him through the pulsing lights.  He smirked and grabbed high on the pole, swinging around.

_“Driver, roll up the partition, please_

_Driver, roll up the partition, please_

_I don't need you seeing Yoncé on her knees_

_Took 45 minutes to get all dressed up_

_We ain't even gonna make it to this club_

_Now my mascara runnin', red lipstick smudged_

_Oh, he so horny, yeah he want to fuck_

_He popped all my buttons and he ripped my blouse_

_He Monica Lewinsky'd all on my gown_

_Whoa there daddy, daddy didn't bring a towel_

_Oh, baby, baby we better slow it down_

_Took 45 minutes to get all dressed up_

_And we ain't even gonna make it to this club_

_Take all of me_

_I just wanna be the girl you like (girl you like)_

_The kinda girl you like (girl you like)_

_Take all of me”_

                Jack nearly choked as the French parts, which he could mostly understand, of Beyoncé’s _Partition_ came on.  Eric swung around the pole, finally dropping to a crouch in front of it.  Eric was flexible and strong, Jack could tell, as he pulled himself up the pole, finally going upside down with his legs kicked out to the side.

                Watching the boy he was secretly in love with work a pole was not how Jack had imagined the evening going.

* * *

 

                Eric left the pole and made his way through the party, getting more than a few looks thrown his way.  But Eric had his gaze set on one specific person.

                “Would you like a dance, sweetheart?” Eric asked.  He enjoyed the blush that settled high on Jack’s cheekbones.

                In the back of his mind, Eric knew that Jack’s refusal (or his assent, for that matter) would make class awkward, but Eric really didn’t care at the moment.  And it couldn’t make it much more awkward than it would be since Jack had already watched Eric strip and learned how he made the money he was setting aside for opening up his own bakery.

                Jack gaped at Eric.  Shitty, the ultimate wingman, walked up behind Jack.

                “He’d definitely like a lap dance from you,” Shitty loudly proclaimed.  “He’s just too shy to say that he would.”  Shitty promptly left, shedding his own clothes and grabbing one of the stripper poles.  He wasn’t bad, per se, but he would need a few lessons to perfect his technique.

                Eric smiled and straddled Jack’s lap as the thumping beat of the next song started.  “Is this okay, honey?”

                All Jack was physically able to say was, “yes”. 

                Eric rolled his hips to the pulsating beat and laid his arms over the back of the wooden chair.  He could feel Jack’s hardness through the thin layers of pants between them.

_“You let me violate you; you let me desecrate you_

_You let me penetrate you; you let me complicate you_

_Help me: I broke apart my insides; help me: I’ve got no soul to sell_

_Help me: the only thing that works for me; help me get away from myself”_

Eric whispered along with the next part of the song right into Jack’s ear. 

_“I want to fuck you like an animal_

_I want to feel you from the inside_

_I want to fuck you like an animal_

_My whole existence is flawed_

_You get me closer to god”_

                A shout rang out from somewhere else in the Haus.  Jack assumed that a fight had broken out until Shitty hopped off the pole and yelled, “SHE SAID NOT TO TOUCH HER, ASSHOLE!”

                Eric stopped, craning his neck to watch the happenings.

                Shitty grabbed a man by the arm and dragged him out of the Haus.  When he came back, he led the stripper back to the poles.  The girl started dancing while Shitty sent a pointed look at Jack.  He had to yell to be heard over the Nine Inch Nails.

                “WHO THE FUCK LET A GODDAMN LAX BRO INTO THE PARTY?”  Shitty didn’t wait for a response before taking the pole next to the stripper and swinging himself in a circle.

                Eric stood up from Jack’s lap.  Jack whined at the loss of pressure, but all Eric was doing was readjusting his straddle.

                Subconsciously, Jack knew that he was digging his own grave, but he couldn’t really bring himself to care.  “I’ve had a crush on you since we baked that pie together in Foods class.”

                Eric’s hips stuttered to a stop and his mouth fell open.  Jack looked away and prayed for something—anything—that could save him from this nightmare.  Maybe he really was having a nightmare and he wasn’t at the party.  Maybe it wasn’t even Lardo’s birthday.  Maybe Lardo didn’t even exist.

                Jack was sure that he was dreaming because of what Eric said next.  “I’ve had a crush on you since I walked into Foods class the first day and saw you sitting right up front.”

                Jack reached his hand up to cup Eric’s cheek, but he remembered what happened to the lax bro that had touched one of the dancers.  He jerked his hand back.

                “You can touch me, honey,” Eric said in his southern drawl.

                Jack wasted no time in putting his hands all over Eric’s chest.  Jack gathered up some confidence and asked, “When do you get off work?”

                “When does this party end?”  Eric chuckled lightly.  “Adam already paid me, so I can do whatever I want to.  Whoever.”

                It took Jack longer than he would like to admit to figure out who the hell Adam was.  He hadn’t called Holster by his first name in years.  Jack hoped he was reading Eric right.  “Would you like to come up to my room?”

* * *

 

                Jack pushed his fingers into Eric, who let out a soft moan.  Eric kissed Jack like his life depended on it, like this was the last time they would see each other.  But they would see each other, sit next to each other, work together in class on Monday.

                Jack took himself in hand and helped to guide Eric onto him.  When Eric rolled his hips, Jack let out a loud moan that Eric hoped couldn’t be heard over the pulsating music downstairs.

_“She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean_

_She was the best damn woman that I ever seen_

_She had the sightless eyes telling me no lies_

_Knocking me out with those American thighs_

_Taking more than her share_

_Had me fighting for air_

_She told me to come, but I was already there_

_‘Cause the walls start shaking_

_The earth was quaking_

_My mind was aching_

_And we were making it_

_And you shook me all night long_

_Yeah, you shook me all night long”_

                 The headboard hit the wall as Jack flipped Eric onto his back.  Jack pressed frantic, wet, hot kisses to Eric’s mouth between both of their gasps and moans.

                Both men knew that they were not going to last “ _all night long_ ”.  Before they knew it, Eric was spurting heat on Jack’s chest.  Jack’s hips tensed to a stop as he came inside Eric.

                The men kissed, long and languid.

                “Maybe next time _I_ will strip for _you_ instead.”

                Eric smiled.  Next time.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> My sons Ransom and Holster installed stripper poles in the Haus.
> 
> Anyway. Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Follow me on tumblr: fiftyshadesofthegreylady.tumblr.com
> 
> I definitely did not make a playlist for this fic??? What are you talking about??? This right here is definitely not the link??
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQ4xwmZ6zi4&list=PL65jzfAeKZUypxQetLE3yMM02uKGyoz_D


End file.
